Summer is finally here and with it comes the promise of many raucous beach and pool parties. Worried that your wardrobe may be conspicuously void of sizzling swim-suits? Here’s a list of tastefully tasteless beachwear that will catapult you from style peon to style icon in a matter of a few clicks. Assume your rightful place as the Queen of your next beach outing and hold court in the finest threads the interwebs has to offer.
Fortune favors the bold, it’s that simple. Demand respect and authority with these flashy one-piece bathing suits.
The American Woman One-piece ($80):
Don’t fade into obscurity and purchase the same thing everyone else is wearing. Take center stage with this loud and proud one-piece that oozes swag and civic pride. I can assure you the envious glances will be well worth the hefty price tag!
Two words: Champagne Campaign. ‘Nuff said. This is the perfect bathing suit for the life and soul of the party. Let this relatively cheap one-piece kick your beachwear game up a notch and snag a swim-suit as bubbly as you are!
Looking for something a little more chic? Here’s a list of designer swim suits that exude class!
Sky’s out, thighs out! Has your man been begging you to let him unleash his scrupulously sculpted, scallop-white quads that have remained caged over the winter months? Help him stay large and in charge with these intriguingly short shorts that will undoubtedly turn heads, not stomachs.
The Anthem by Chubbies ($59):
The perfect swim trunks for the understated patriot looking to flash some skin. With a 5.5-inch inseam these shorts redefine freedom and leave little for the imagination. At $59 dollars they certainly aren’t cheap, but the stylish print and fit will ensure that these shorts quickly become the only ones he’ll ever need.
Sauvage the Mariner ($46):
Ever wonder what would happen if you placed Borat and the cast of Baywatch in a linear accelerator and fired them directly at one and other? These shorts, that’s what. Give your man what he needs to become the King of the beach (and the castle)!
Need a bit more win-speration? Take a look at this list of the hottest male swim trunks currently available!
Having a legendary swim-suit is only the first step to assuming your rule as the life of the party. You still have to accessorize.
Man, woman, or child, these sunnies have been scientifically proven to boost the wearers sociability to dangerously high levels. Whether it’s assuming your natural role as resident fashionista or grabbing the attention of an another party-going group that just can’t stop staring, these glasses are perfect for the freedom-loving individual who knows how to party. Buy two-pairs, his and hers, and immediately assume your role as the King and Queen of paradise.
Straight-edge D.A.R.E Fanny pack ($25):
Relive the good ol’ days of your youth with this spectacularly dated throwback. It’s neon coloration and bold lettering are perfect for drawing attention, and will work as a near-perfect conversation starter. Who doesn’t want to relive mullet mania and other spectacularly 80’s trends? Rock this bad boy and work the party like the socialite you are. And remember, “say no to drugs” and yes to fanny-packs.